Thursday, May 2, 2013

How "Going With the Flow" Failed. Utterly.

**Warning!** This post's tone may be influenced by the misery of separation as Greg has just returned to Utah from California and I will be going to China in a few days. We won't see each other for a month.

Going With The Flow (Ha.)

So if you'll recall, I was being all wishy washy and uncertain-like about whether I should date Greg or not. Then I decided I'd give him a chance. But in giving him another chance, I thought it'd be easy to just go with the flow. No commitment or nothing, just enjoy the ride. Well I have just one thing to say about THAT.

Don't lie to yourselves, people. It's impossible.

Starting Again

Once I started sending Greg green-light signals again, he moved quickly. He says it was all subconscious, which I find...not very flattering...but we'll just ignore that. Basically, we were talking and hanging out more and then one night he came over and we were watching Brother Bear (a favorite movie of mine) and he FINALLY held my hand. May I repeat:


Hi, I'm a great movie.
It was actually amusing because my brother happened to be watching the movie with us (on the other couch) and when Greg took my hand (under a blanket), I thought, "Hmmmm. This is interesting." So I started talking to Trey in Chinese.

Tess: So...Greg has my hand.
Trey: Oh really? How do you feel about that?
Tess: I don't really know. It's fine.
Trey: Ha. You're just like me. Hearts of stone.
Tess: True...

And that was that. The next day we went to a volleyball game and I wasn't in a great UP mood (I was feeling rather apathetic about life in general) and so when Greg didn't take my hand again I didn't really worry about it. He didn't do anything and didn't do anything until finally he randomly (again, subconsciously he says) put his hand practically IN MY LAP. So I just took it then. And thereafter we basically were acting like we were dating all the time. Not that I would admit that. Because I was just going with the flow.

Officializing Officialness

So after about...three? weeks of not saying a word about the fact we were ACTING like we were dating, in fact not even referencing the fact at all, I decided I should PROBABLY talk about it all with Greg. So long evening short, we talked. He confessed he had no idea what was going on, but he WOULD like to be in a relationship, so bada boom bada bing. Relationship OFFICIALIZED!

A couple days after that I was TRICKED.


Here's how it went. Greg had begun in the previous week or sometime (again, he claims it was an unconscious act on his part where he thought, "Whoa! I just did that! Random!") to kiss my cheek or nose or chin or whatever. Usually while we were watching a movie. It'd just be a random peck. Very sneaky. I started reciprocating in kind.

So the way I was tricked was one day we were in the kitchen passing the time. I'd been waiting for him to just take the leap and kiss my LIPS for awhile (he'd been thinking about it for at least a week...maybe two - when we'd be saying good night he'd hug me then lean back and stare at my face/lips for a minute before finally saying good night). So with that mindset...he kissed the corner of my lips. Then the other corner. I figured the next logical step would be the middle (i.e. my lips) so I helped him and pecked HIS lips.

I kissed him.

He tricked me. He didn't even peck me back or nothing. He told me later that he was surprised and was like, "Oh! We're kissing now!" I was so miffed. I went straight to my phone and texted my sister so that I set the record right away that I WAS TRICKED.

February: Quite a Month

So February was a pretty big month for us. I got my mission call, celebrated my 21st birthday, started planning a surprise birthday for Greg (his birthday is two weeks after mine) and...oh yeah.

I broke up with Greg.

What's that you say? You thought we were getting married? You thought that was the whole purpose of this blog? Yes yes yes. I'm getting there. But first - a random sidenote.

This is FaceTime last night. Who has the cutest fiancé in the world? (Hint: I do!)
I left my iPad with him so we can use iMessage and FaceTime while I'm in China.
Oh right. I broke up with Greg. So that came about because I of my little "do-I-want-to-date-him" dance. Part of my depression/anxiety/stuff-I-enjoy is that I over-think and over-worry about EVERYTHING. For reals. Try me. I guess it is sort of like taking the worst case scenario of any situation and worrying and WORRYING and believing a little bit that it might actually happen. That's my life sometimes. It is usually exacerbated by hormonal times, which is what hit right around Valentine's Day (lucky Greg). Anyway - that is what basically drove me to breaking up with Greg. There were things of a more spiritual nature as well which I won't share but I finally decided I had to break up with him because I couldn't THINK while I was with him (it was a pretty low time).

So I was devastated. Greg was devastated. We broke up without any plan of getting back together. I was a mess for days, worrying my roommates and family. Yeah. Fun times. We broke up a couple days after V-Day (which was the day after I got my mission call) and a few days before my birthday.

I will say though, we don't do breakup very well. We still talked to each other basically all the time. We played ultimate frisbee the day after the breakup. We went to a basketball game (not as a date - with friend people) the day after that. We were still best friends. Just best friends that were über depressed about that fact.

Skipping a little, and referencing back to the vague mention of spiritual stuff, I will just say that I did get my answer to what I needed to know. It was a GREAT answer. I told my sister I was getting back together with Greg and she said, "You know in deciding this, you might not go on a mission after all." "Huh. True. That's ok." In the joy of the moment I thought, "That's ok too!"

So fun story. That was good times (not). Here's what I learned though - about the going with the flow thing.

Even if it works at first, it's a generally bad idea. You will never get the full awesomeness out of a relationship unless you yourself are fully committed to it. "Going with the flow" is not being committed. It is just kind of chilling while the other person does the work.

Relationships are so much worthwhile when you're both working for it. Just for the record.

Now proceed to wait until the next post comes up which includes marriage talk and proposal stuff. Yay!

**Another random sidenote** I'm not a sad little depressed person all the time, as this post would seem to imply. I don't want to give you that idea. February was just not good times for me. :) K bye.


  1. Greg has his hands full marrying you to read about though. I'm sure you two's opposite emotional personalities will be a perfect puzzle fit.

  2. First things first; I would disagree that you have the cutest fiancéin the world. That title definitely belongs to me! I've been thinking about this post for several days now and I've come up with a realization. Those actions probably weren't completely subconscious. I was definitely thinking about them. Like you Tess, I tend to over analyze things. I couldn't decide when the best time to act was... then all of a sudden I'd be acting upon my thought. I was like "huh? When did this happen? ". So it wasn't completely a subconscious effort...

  3. I love reading your stories because they bring back good memories- I always claim Scott tricked me into both hand holding and kissing... And I was the one who DTRed Scott even though I hated DTRs... And I broke up with him (our breakup only lasted 15 minutes though haha). So, I already like your Greg even though I've never met him! Especially because he is obediently commenting on all your posts haha :)

  4. I remember this time. this is when you talked to me lots and lots. how come people only want to talk to me when they aren't dating someone? Rude.
    You mis-quoted me, but because you mentioned me at all, I'm going to let it slide...